Department of the Interior Press Release

So it is turning out that - at least this month in particular - this big ol' trek to central Europe is more of a big ol' inner hike in my heart. I mean, this is a big part of life...for me especially, my little introverted intuitive feeling perceiving self...that "inner life" is more real to me than the outer one sometimes, if I can say such a thing, which really I can't because that presents the idea that each is separate from the other. Oy I'm about to start wading into some nonsensical philosophical rambling...I'll try to tiptoe back to my point.
THAT being, that while I have felt rather anxious or guilty about being so inwardly focused in these past few weeks since I am in HUNGARY for crying out loud (I should be out and about, seeing all the new things, learning all the new knowledge, being with all the new people! ;)) - that inward focus is just part of me, man. The focus turns all the time, sometimes in dizzying circles that may induce nausea, and this month it has happened to stick on the inward setting. Which is good, my friends, very good, especially when I am able to forget/let go of my "meta" anxiety (i.e. when I feel guilt about not "feeling the right way" - what the heck, darlin' take a chill pill).

Anyway, so I'm saying that I'm on an inner journey, and it's pretty great but I've been giving a lot of time to the inward stuff, and not as much attention to the outward stuff. Before I leave this beautiful city, my focus wheel-o-fortune will tick-tick-tick it's way over to "outward" too, fear not, because that's how it always goes. Like any sine curve/circle/pendulum, my focus wheel cycles, yo!

Meanwhile, since I totally promised some "embarrassingly introspective thoughts" on this blog, I will post a poem I wrote after going to the MOL Jazz Festival 2008 in Budapest at the end of September. Though I wrote this a little while back, right before I really took a leap from the high dive into a pool of introspection, it is always relevant to me, and therefore, mildly interesting to you readers.


Untitled pow!em

love yourself suzanne
things like 'you're worth it!' and 'you can do it!'
are meaningless after all
doesn't matter
because worth implies external judgment
can-do follows from fear of can't
and while these things plague you
they are not the truth
they are not what is true inside of you

yes, they are in there
in the jumble of your heart
but you know why you're here

maybe not sure yet how to execute,
not yet knowing in what kind of venue you will perform

but you know

if the pattern and shifts of shadow
light you up inside
if the jumble of life actual is
the chaos collage you see projected dimly
on the insides of your retinas

(and it is, oh it is)

that is well and good
that will take you somewhere
do well to follow
always seeing about you
that the pattern is not something you will learn about
from graduate school
from research, though it certainly is in those endeavors too

the pattern IS
like music is in your feet in special moments
the pattern IS like the times joy steals you up to the stars
for a moment outside of the overpopulated landscape of administrative details
(like what job to get, what man to marry, what life to live) (as if you are able to be in control of all that)

the pattern IS
and will be always
without shadow, but not a flat constant
unpredictable in zoom
but on the whole quite graceful
and full of beauty

and love
yes
love

Qapla'!

I had no idea. Klingon, really. Hahaha haha.

Well, I had plans to take a quick trip up to Esztergom today, just 90 km northwest of Budapest. Esztergom is at the border of Hungary and Slovakia, and it was the capital of Hungary for about 400 years. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending upon how you look at it, I got some much needed rest today and slept in. So I will take postpone the trip to Esztergom and I'll be spending most of my day doing some chores like laundry and dishes, and charging batteries of various trinkets which have needed charging for a while. (I haven't charged my camera batteries since Vienna - whoops). Later this afternoon I think I'll go wander the Castle District a little on my own, or find the monument sculpture dedicated to the heroes of the Hungarian Revolution of 1956. Then tonight - taking the long trip to the airport to pick up the 'rents! WOOHOO! I'm excited to see them.

UPDATE: So my parents are here. Itt most. Wow. It's weird. It's a strange sort of feeling to be a host to my parents, and though this is different to my first experience with this feeling last November when they came out for Christmas Fest, the strangeness remains. Well, I must say, my mom and dad are cute and stylish folks. And their hotel - WOW very cute and VERY stylish. I was immediately jealous of their room decor, considering the kind of tired-looking green bleh of my bedroom walls in our apartment. But that is me - sometimes I just get jealous of cute things. ;) Tomorrow I look forward to taking the 'rents to tiny basement Anglican church (...anyone want to bet against me falling asleep in church? I have such a talent for it...) and then to some fancy shmancy restaurant somewhere so they can fund my gastronomical satisfaction. I promise I love them for more reasons than that they pay for me to eat. ;) Holy moly, if Butterscotch could talk, I might sound a lot like her. Whooops.

Giving Thanks

Hello gentle readers,

Life here in Budapest has been a little rough for me this October, but the great thing about life is that somehow it is always beautiful. Here are a few things I give thanks for:
:) You people! If you're reading this blog, then you're among my support group and I thank you for caring. ;)
:) The internet - while I may have my own time-management issues which are magnified by the internet's power, thanks to the internet I can a)talk with my family and good friends back home, b) chat with my dear college buddies whom I miss a lot, and c) keep tabs on some very special people, especially a special special person Myles who is pretty new to life but already a great blogger. ;)
:) The folks I've met here - especially my roommate, who is always honest and open and laughs at me when I am crazy and promises me peanut butter & raisins for spending less time in front of the computer
:) I am sure there are many more things for which I am grateful...like these couple of days off of school...but I can't possibly list 'em all. ;)

Take care, my friends!

Oh I forgot to tell you...

Just a little preview of pontifications to come (and mostly to remind myself):

- Upcoming: a post devoted to italok, or drinks, I've encountered here

- This weekend I went to the Hungary-Albania World Cup 2010 Qualifying Game! It was awesome. AND Hungary won!

- I witnessed a passel of unfortunate Spaniards chasing a ladron (thief) this morning.

- Instead of saying "good luck!" a common Hungarian well-wish can be directly translated as "I wish you a big pile of shit." More on this later - languages are hilarious.

- If it weren't for that semester of Greek I took on a whim, I would be lost while talking about grammar.

O Irony

Hello blogosphere!!! I know it's been a little while since last I posted. I had a CRAZY week last week, kind of like a 5th degree polynomial. --->

On Friday I was walking home from school, and I realized that I have a problem. I am an internet addict. As I walked home past Rozsak tere and the beautiful Catholic church there and statue of Szent Erzse'bet (St. Elizabeth), I acknowlegded my problem and then had an urgent desire to blog about it. O the irony!!! The world wide web is a wonderful tool - very powerful. But like many webs, one can become entangled therein, particularly when one has succumbed to the ravages of procrastination. I know, I know, "we all procrastinate." And it certainly isn't news to my 'fan-base' that I am a procrastinator. But let me direct your attention to the local minimum near x=2 in the graph to the right - that was this last weekend, when I had done no homework but I somehow managed to catch up on 2 seasons of the TV show Bones.

At any rate, my 'tude function as illustrated above is now once again increasing, which is great news! I have a Number Theory midterm this Thursday, and a couple of problem sets due tomorrow that still need to be hammered out, but Things are Looking Up. One of many great aspects of mathematics - you can use mathematics to describe SO MUCH. Life, philosophy, and even well-accepted applications for math such as physics, chemistry, biology, computer science, statistics...etc.

This is my FAVORITE example of mathematically expressing parts of life generally considered non-mathematical:



Go to http://kleinfour.com for more fun...

And now, I must get back to hitting the books. Don't worry, they can take it!
I will leave you with the gentle croonings of James Blunt:



Ooooh. He has such a yummy voice.

http://nowdothis.com

Imadok elni

Hello dear readers,

These last couple of days have been interesting for me, sort of emotional and weird. But also kind of typical of me...I like life. No, no, not just that. I LOVE life. Imadok elni.

My roommate is currently walking around the apartment talking with her dad on the phone in Thai. And when I say walking, I mean marching/high-stepping. It's pretty great. I wish you could derive as much joy from this small detail as I have. I thought someone was knocking on our door, but it turns out it was just F stomping around. Thanks be to God we are roommates. I was just thinking how much I both enjoy and abhor living in an apartment. It's great to have more freedom and space than in a dorm, and wonderful to be able to cook for myself, but it's also a pain to clean and cook and buy food all the time. I always buy food and then put it in the fridge and somehow magically forget it's there until...it might be too late. Ah well. Learning. At any rate, I'm really grateful F is my roommate, and I was thinking that in the future when I eventually have 'my own place' that I must have a roommate. I have been blessed with just phenomenal roommates all my time in school, and so it's like I have an automatic friend, an automatic sister even with whom I can share my day and my neuroticism. Of course no roommate relationship is shiny and perfect, but that's because we're people and people are not shiny and perfect (unless they have just recently been dipped in quicksilver - okay, that was really a bad joke. Doesn't even quite qualify as a joke it was so non-funny).

Anyway, that's kind of random information. This weekend was Man-Bear's 21st birthday, so we went out to Thai food at the same place we went for F's birthday. Fun! And delicious again. I highly recommend this place, it's Parazs Presszo just a couple blocks from Nyugati palyaudvar (train station) on the blue line.

And since I AM here to study math and live in Budapest, I should probably talk about those things. Only here's the thing: this week/-end I have been pondering some other things, and as a result I have not been pondering Budapest that much. And I told you I'd relate my trip to Vienna, and I shall. But to be honest I don't feel like it right now. So if you're impatient about that, send me an email and I'll gladly respond.

Okay, well, this meandering post is at its end. Until later, bara'taim!

a note

I have begun a conversation with a friend about something very important to me. And I don't know, this could lead me in any number of directions. And I am very glad. I just wanted to share that. Please forgive my vagueness, I don't know if I'm ready to share it just yet. But I want to share how great starting this has made me feel. We will see, we will see.
Love you all!

The Deep and Meaningful Winnie-the-Pooh Character Test

Your result for The Deep and Meaningful Winnie-The-Pooh Character Test...

Owl

"Correct me if I am wrong," he said, "but am I right in
supposing that it is a very Blusterous day outside?"

"Very," said Piglet, who was quietly thawing his ears,
and wishing that he was safely back in his own house.

"I thought so," said O-wl. "It was on just such a
blusterous day as this that my Uncle Robert, a portrait of whom
you see upon the wall on your right, Piglet, while returning in
the late forenoon from a-- What's that?"

You scored as Owl!

ABOUT OWL: Owl is considered highly educated because he can spell his own name (WOL) and he can even spell Tuesday... although he doesn't always get it right. Owl is a good sort, really, although he can be a bit of a stuffed shirt, and he tends to overlook the smaller details in life - like the fact that his bellpull is actually someone's tail.

WHAT THIS SAYS ABOUT YOU: You are confident and you feel capable of dealing with whatever life throws at you. You know that you can handle just about everything... mostly because you know how to delegate the job of actually handling things to the people around you. You aren't one of those Bisy Backsons, who rush around trying to do everything at once. You prefer to stay at home and reflect on life, rather than go out and live it.

Sometimes, you know, you need to stop waiting for things to come to you and go out and get them. You need to go enjoy the weather, smell the fresh air, and pay attention to the little people in your life. They may not be as great as you... but maybe they could use your help.

Take The Deep and Meaningful Winnie-The-Pooh Character Test at HelloQuizzy

Back from Vienna...stories to tell!

But not today. This is just a short update to let y'all know what's goin' on. I went to Vienna this weekend with some BSM comrades, saw LOTS of art, walked my footsies off, had a surprise awkward first date (more on that later...), and generally neglected mathematical pursuits. Vienna is a BEAUTIFUL city, of course rich in culture and beautiful things. While I loved traipsing around there for a few days, I was unexpectedly relieved to arrive back in Budapest.
At any rate, I'm back at school now and my schedule is figured out now! Hurrah - so my full plate includes Combinatorics, Number Theory, Dynamical systems & Bifurcations, with a side of Probability Theory and Hungarian for dessert...delish!
I'll post more later this week, and I'm working on getting more pictures up! Hello to you all! I miss my Olaf buddies and my Colorado buddies something fierce! There's so much here I want to share with you!